....of feeling fat and hating it...

FAT! Sheesshh.... even hearing the word makes me jump out of my seat. Without me knowing the reason, i started gaining weight quite tremendously this past six months. Hmm, maybe all those training classes i handled, made me eat a lot. It scares me, what i weigh now scares me, big time! Since early last year, it began to increase, and never decrease eversince. Previously i never weighed more than 50 kg, but now, i'm already at 54kg!! Eeekkk!! Is that ideal with my height at 165cm? Hmm... actually my body starts to feel heavy, and the worst thing, people notice that i have gained weight. Now i'm keeping a diary of what i eat everyday. Every single thing that's going in my mouth, i'll write it down. Trying to keep track of what 'ive been eating, and also trying to get the pattern so that i can trim off whatever unhealthy food which will contribute to me gaining more weight. But it just started two days ago, so still can't see the pattern yet..

Am i too obsessed with how i look? Is this normal? For me, i think it's perfectly normal for a young woman to be cautious about her weight, and most importantly, be cautious of how she looks like.

That midnight call...

At this point of an hour, i should be in my deep sleep, very deep. But i'm awake instead. Hmm, what could be better than being awake in the middle of the night, waiting for that midnight call from my other half (which i believe is already 2 hours late!) Yeah, where is he anyway? *Yawn*

Being 25, i believe i have not yet achieve anything you can call 'spectacular'. Besides from being a career woman at this age, i sometimes crave to be a different person, totally different from what i am now. Sometimes, i'm just tired of being the "miss too good to be true", it's something in me that i feel need to come out. Sometime i'm being very rebellious, unfortunately just on the inside. How i wish i could travel the whole world. How i wish i could have more experience in life but still stay at this age. Experience you were saying? Yup, experience allright.

Where is he? Hmm.... i think i should give him a call...